EVERYWHERE I AM A FOREIGNER (Nussbaum)
In between my holiday to Israel and family coming over, it has been five months since I last visited my town of birth. Not that much seemed to have changed here; They are still working on the same roads, the cheese is still good, Amsterdam pretty and people seemed to have hardly noticed I was gone. I have immediately fallen into a kind of passiveness, which is juxtaposing the hectic life I lead in London.
Strangely enough I also had to get used to hearing Dutch all over, while my thoughts were still in English. I really hope I don’t end up like those sad cases who speak English with a Dutch accent and Dutch with an English accent…
I don’t expect to give a clear account of eight months London, it isn’t so tangible. I have also lost a bit of distance to really be able to properly reflect (and judge!!). I don’t think I or my views have changed.
However, a year ago I wouldn’t have believed you if you’d have said that I would let people tell me what to do, would drink a fair bit of alcohol on a regular basis (to the Brits’delight), would play football and would not dedicate much time to cooking, film and not read the newspap
er…The biggest difference I think is, and I have stated this before, that my life has become a lot more about me, the here and now. It means a lot of partying and being judged on what I offer at that very moment. It seems to be working for me, as I feel I built a nice, big group of friends, and that is in the end what determines the quality of life..and am def. not complaining there! I have a more positive attitude. I am sure I lost a few brain cells on the way, people estimate me quite a few years younger, but who cares?!
Of course I do miss my family and it isn’t always easy that people don’t really know my background.
Another difference is, that I was used to do a lot of things on my own and in London I am always surrounded by people. That is part of the big city, where people seem to be scared of silence, ‘cause they might even run into their own thoughts!!
Since I am only human (yes, might come as a shock..) it hasn’t all been great. I have had about one month in which I felt more or less miserable. I however never took it out on London. I am by now old and wise enough (yes really) to know these things pass, if you give it a little time. And it did pass once my family had arrived for a visit.
London, being such a big city, gave and gives me the feeling much more is possible, as long as you are not too shy to ask for it. However. Work and social life are sucking time and energy, it is very hard to stay focused. Even if I had quite a few laughs in the office, I did not like my job that much. In eight months I did not find time and space to properly look and find another job (my excuse: first months I was acclimatizing, then had to move to a new house, went on a holiday, had family over..).
A Portuguese colleague once remarked that everybody she knew had come to London with great dreams, but these would disappear once settled in. I completely understood what she said. At the same time, I can argue with that, as I had given up and put away my dream of traveling to South-America. And here I am. Took it off the shelf, dusted it off and now I am flying out on the 5th of October…
In March I will again take up the challenge called London and hopefully be more focused, even though I am sure I won’t give up on the good times either!
For now….here is where the journey starts and I will hopefully have the time and inspiration to keep you posted.
